Learning to Be Comfortable Being Uncomfortable

Pain is not something I've never dealt with well. I put my lower back out yesterday and the pain continues today. In the past I had my food binges or alcohol to numb out to, and comfort myself with. Without my good old pals now I have to learn to sit with uncomfortable feelings. Or as I heard someone in program say "You have to learn to be comfortable with feeling uncomfortable." Now there's an oxymoron for you!

As the pain kept me from doing all the things I wanted to today, I found myself getting angry about it. The anger felt justified, it was aimed at no one, I just felt angry. Later the anger disintegrated into tears. Tears of frustration and sorrow, over the things I could not do for myself. Helplessness, powerlessness, no not again!

Back to the first step in program admitting our powerlessness. When it comes right down to it we all have things in our life that we would have to admit being powerless over. I do not like admitting I'm powerless, I do not like feeling vulnerable or needy. This whole recovery process so far seems to have me depending on everyone but myself. I have to talk to sponsors, I have to be told what to do to get better and follow those directions, I have to take these steps that I keep stumbling over and falling on my face, I have to turn my will and my life over to the care of God...

So I did that today. At least I told him I was giving it to him, and asked if maybe could he heal the back pain while he was at it? :) No magic flashes of light, but the bad feelings are gone. The desire to eat or drink over it has left. Yes I'm still in pain, that's it. I have to ask for help to even get my computer to my lap, that's it. I have to depend on others and my invisible God? that's it!

Yes, this pain has taught me a few things. I'm learning more every day. I came to recovery willing to do whatever it took to regain my health and save my life. Little did I know that the answer would lie in nothing that I could truly do for myself, that God would do it for me, if I just asked him on a daily basis. I can do that!

Well the back pain took precedence over what I was going to write on today, which was The Joy of Counting Fat Rolls, you'll have to wait on pins and needles for that one tomorrow. ;)

Joy Everyone!
MJ